REALLY noncanon pairings
by Animetor777
Summary: So yeah the title pretty much sums it up. I got really sick of ridiculous pairings in Avatar being portrayed as serious so I made this. It's basically a series of crack pairings that are just fun to write about. I also make fun of some fatal flaws in ff.
1. Chapter 1

Azukka

Sokka was just out gathering fire wood for the gaang like any other day when he sensed that someone else was nearby. He drew his sword and started searching for the threat when he saw Azula. Alone. He started running the other direction as quickly as he possibly could when he heard her call after him, "Wait! I didn't come here to fight." Not willing to trust her for one instant Sokka swerved around and asked her suspiciously, "Then what are you here for?" Azula got a mischievous look in her Amber/Brown/Gold/Chestnut eyes. "You." She answered coyly and batted her eyelashes. "WHAT!!!!" yelled Sokka not caring anymore if anyone heard him. This was just too freaky. "You see Sokka. All those times I was supposedly chasing the avatar I was really just trying to get closer to you." More than a little weirded out at this point Sokka decided to get out of this situation as quickly as possible. But apparently Azula could read minds now too and stepped in front of Sokka. "Don't you see? I'm good now. Like Zuzu." And for some as of yet unknown reason Sokka accepted this and put his sword away. Then for yet another unknown reason Sokka and Azula started randomly making out because of _course_ _everyone_ could see that they were "meant to be". And then they skipped off to frolic through the flowers with a loop of overly optimistic 50's love songs playing in the backround.

Sokka woke with a start, drenched in a cold sweat and looked to his side relieved not to see Azula anywhere near him. He looked at his empty cup and muttered, "That's it no more cactus juice….EVER again."


	2. Chapter 2

Harzula

Haru was walking around his village not really doing anything because of course he'd just be milling around with a war to fight and all. Then suddenly he glimpsed the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. She had raven hair tied up into a topknot with two perfect pieces framing her face. And if looks could kill? Well half of the street would be dead. Haru ran up to her quickly the crowd having conveniently vanished for the time being. When he got closer he noticed how shiny her hair was. Shinier than he had ever seen hair be. Shinier than a mirror. Shinier than a hundred jewels. Shinier than, well you get the idea. With this Haru decided that he loved her. I mean what else could you want out of love besides a random stranger with incredibly shiny hair? And how shiny someone's hair is makes such a good measure of their character, it's not like you need to find out if they have any horribly sadistic traits or something. I mean come on someone with hair that shiny, _couldn't_ be insane or anything. "Miss!" Azula kept on walking. "Miss please I think I'm in love with you!!!" This made Azula turn around all right. She shot Haru a death glare and tried to walk away but Haru grabbed onto her wrist. "Miss what is your name?" Haru questioned earnestly coming dangerously close to begging because of course that's what you do to people you just met. "I am princess Azula of the fire nation. And I would ask you to unhand me peasant." Then Haru suddenly leaned up and kissed her! "Have you even met me before earthbender slime!!!" screeched Azula. "Only in my dreams." murmured Haru dreamily. Azula was going to say something back but then she looked into Haru's eyes and fell in love!! Because of course one look tells you all you need to know about someone. And then they started going out and became boyfriend and girlfriend because obviously they have those in an ancient Chinese based society. And then they were happy and Azula turned good and saved the world and stuff! I mean it's not like she was evil or anything.

A/N Yes another one involving Azula, but she's just way too fun to pair with people. Oh and I don't know if I mentioned this in the first chapter but please feel free to tell me what pairings you want to see. In fact I encourage it, because if you guys don't come up with really, truly random ones I **will** draw avatar names from a hat to find a new pairing. Which could actually give me some pretty good ones if I include Momo and Appa, but anyway please tell me what you think and what you guys want to see.


	3. Chapter 3

Jet glanced at the petite earthbender below him. She looked like an angel so kind and sweet her pale skin shining against her beautiful ebony hair, a determined smirk playing at her rose colored lips. Looking at her now he knew that she was the one, not Katara with her motherly, girlish charm, but Toph with her tough attitude and tomboyish nature. _There's a girl who won't get scared in the woods_ he thought making up his mind that he had to woo and win her, now. He leaped to the ground turning a flip in mid-air in an overkill display of athleticism and acrobatics. Leaning up against his tree he muttered in his usual suave manner, "Hey, I heard there was a beautiful earthbender around here, any idea where to find her?" to his surprise Toph blushed a lovely crimson spreading across her cheeks. "I might have some idea." She replied turning to face him and somehow looking him in the eyes despite the fact that she was blind. And what lovely eyes they were so green and depthless. Suddenly he broke all composure "Oh Toph my blind beauty…."

"Oh Jet my-wait WHAT?!" Toph suddenly remembered the tricky feeling she had picked up earlier when Katara had randomly suggested they had tea, but she wouldn't, then she remembered Katara mentioning something about feeling bad for dumping Jet for Sparky, so yes, yes she would. Toph stormed off towards camp determined to settle the score. "But my blind beauty where are you going?!" Jet asked chasing after her.

"To ring Sugar Queen's neck." Toph muttered rushing towards the camp on an earth wave. "SUGAR QUEEN YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SET ME UP WITH YOUR EX-BOYFRIENDS!!! I DON'T CARE HOW THEY FEEL I DON'T WANT THEM EITHER!!!"

Jet fell into a dejected, rejected pile until he heard a pure, angelic voice fill the air "CABBAGES! CABBAGES FOR SALE!"

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_A/N So this was a combination of requests sent in by 3 reviewers, Khajmer who said TophXanyone but Aang, Raven Frost Feather who wanted Toph/Jet something I like to call Joph, Raven also gave me the lines "Oh Toph my blind beauty…" "Oh Jet my-wait WHAT?!" I just thought that I would include those for you. And finally last but in no way least The Sweeping Channel who requested JetXCabbage man and don't worry I will expand on this crack pairing more as soon as I think of a good plot for it. So I have more requests to fill but, keep the requests coming!! I will write them as soon as I can, btw I try to write one chapter a week for my normal stories but there's a good chance that I will write more often on this fic because I get requests for chapters that I want to get up as soon as possible and these don't take me that long to write. So thanks for your reviews and keep 'em comin'!_

_Animetor777_


	4. Chapter 4

Ozai had thought that his life was complete. He had thought that being the most powerful man in the world would make him happy. He had thought wrong. He had discovered this the moment he heard that wonderful, amazing laugh. The one that began with maniacal giggling then trailed down into a radiant snort. After hearing it for the first time Ozai knew that this person, this angel could be the one. He frantically searched through the cloud to find his angel until finally his eyes came to rest on a vision from heaven. He, yes he, was tall and exotically tan with bright green eyes staring out at him a roguish glint in their crooked glance. White tufts of hair puffing from either side were visions of a snowkisssed angel to Ozai, and suddenly he knew. Why he wanted to take over the world, why he banished Ozai, everything. Heck he even knew the real reason why he burned Zuko. He was gay. He had been denying it for so long it felt good to finally let it out. He had spent his entire life taking out his anger and fear at being found out on his wife, his son and ultimately the world. He had been trying to become macho manly man to attempt to cover up his true desire, to let the world know the real him. He immediately felt remorse wash over him. He had hurt all those people, ruined or taken away their lives just because he hadn't found his beautiful Bumi yet. But no he couldn't think thoughts like that, not now not when he had found his true love. Together they would free the people from their strife. Together they would pull the earth from it's ashes, together they would save the world (he had conveniently forgotten that it was his fault the world was in ashes in the first place). He made his way over to his love eager to start anew. "Hey there hot stuff." He said smoothly, running his fingers through his long hair. "Why don't you come with me somewhere we can be together." He said his court breeding evident in every move he made. Bumi let out that beautiful laugh once more.

"I'm sorry Sparks I already have a boyfriend and even your long silky mane won't change that. Isn't that right Bosco?" Bumi casually leaned over placing a kiss on Bosco's cheek, Bosco wrapped his paw around Bumi's middle in a lover's embrace….

"Sparks" torched the place.

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_A/N So here you go, possibly the most messed up one yet, a love triangle between Bumi, Ozai and Bosco, I honesly hadn't thought of this one until I read the reviews from Khajmer and Maria, combine them and you get…this. Wow that's worse than Sokka hocked up on cactus juice. Anyway read, review and tell me what you want to see next._


	5. Chapter 5

Zuko stared deep into her blue eyes. Her brown hair caressing her face. He knew that this was wrong but he couldn't stop loving her. She was so kind and strong. She helped everyone that she could and had so many strengths that people hardly noticed. And she was wordly too, she had seen many places that most people only dreamed of going to due to her connections with the avatar. Yes Zuko knew from the moment he looked deep into her kind/caring/motherly/beautiful blue eyes that she was the one. PSYCHE!!! You thought I was talking about Katara didn't you? Nope! Zuko's latest love interest was Suki! That's right, you heard me, Suki! He had met her when he burned down her village and had secretly been following her ever since. You know when Zuko disappears from the series for a while? Well he didn't actually go back to the fire nation. He only did that later. He went to see Suki, his wonderful, beautiful warrior princess. And Suki was so kind that she didn't really even hold a grudge for the whole 'burned down your entire village mishap'. What about Mai you ask? Well she was just a cover up and she was cheating on him with the cabbage man anyway, so I guess that evens the score somewhat. Katara? Well Zuko loved her too but figured that as long as they were on opposite ends of the earth they need never know. That is until Suki joined the gang and started going out with Sokka. But as Katara had fallen in love with Bumi in Omashu she didn't really mind. And now the whole thing was one huge love dodecahedron called ZuKiTaraMaiCabbOkkaMi! You gotta love noncanon pairings!

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_A/N Well that was actually pretty fun to write! Let it be noted however that I am a rabid Zutarian. Anywho you guys know what to do, read review and tell me what you want to see next This one wasn't really all isn't quite as far off as some of the other ones, like Zuki, it actually could be somewhat of a possiblility, but still fun to make fun of, mainly because of the opportunity for a Zutara psyche. Anyway sorry for not doing a request and for the lateness but I just wasn't feeling it so maybe I'll get to them later. Thank you so much to anyone who reviewed you guys are the ones that keep me going, so thanks and see you in a little while. Sorry it's not my best chapter, next one will be better.  
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